I just need to let it out. I just need to cry. A girl has to cry sometimes... ya know? Maybe i cry more than others but sometimes it happens!
Wow. thats how i feel. just Wow. feeling like my whole world is about to fall apart is bringing me down to a whole level i have never been. God i need you.. now.. and forever! You are my will to live through this life that you have given me!
I want to start off by saying to the Lord.. thank you for letting me live through this weekend and not loose the man i love.
So i know you are wondering.. live through this weekend? what happened?
Well Saturday night... woo big BIG BIIIGGGG mistake. I will NEVER EVER drink moonshine again! you make laugh, you make still be confused... Lets just say... i was ghost white and shaking... from what i was told. Why on Earth would i ever put myself in such a sticky situation? Obviously there was absolutely no thought through this process.
I am still trying to understand how i didnt have alcohol poisoning but i am so thankful to know he is always looking over me and he will always forgive me for the sins i have done. Drinking is in no way something i enjoy. I dont drink hardly ever. Maybe once in 4 or 5 months i may.. MAY drink. but its definitely not often.
From what i was told.. because i have no memory, i cried for HOURS like some 4 or 5 hours.. that is just crazy madness! i dont do that! THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I AM! UGH i am still so upset about Saturday night!
To top off the drunkness.. Jeremy went through my cell phone. Only to find phone calls of course but they were to and from a really close guy friend of mine. he was drunk too. but still should not have went through my phone and made assumptions of who this guy is. Jeremy once told me his ex went through his phone and how bad it hurt him.. guess he didnt think it would bother me?
It did.. more than anything. and for us as a couple to never argue... well we argued saturday night. maybe one of the worst arguments i have ever been in. I was so afraid i would loose him and i am still having this fear in my gut. He says i have nothing to worry about and that is definitely a good thing but its so hard.
I drove 5 hours there to have a wonderful time with him... and did until Saturday night and most of the day Sunday... bc 75% of the day was either me in the bathroom, him sleeping, or both of us sleeping. once again thanks moonshine for ruining everything! Not really but you suck and i will never ever even smell you again! :-)
I drove 5 hours home today... worst trip home ever. Not only was i so sleepy but i have been so stressed about Jeremy. Luckily things are back to being great again. But i just dont want to loose him over something so silly. so anyways.. back to my trip home. So sleepy.. worst ever! I drove the whole way home not seeing a cop until i got on my ROAD.. MY ROAD like omg how does that work?? oh wait.. i got a TICKET too! how much and what for? Speeding.. 42 in a 25.. really? is my road really 25? because that is just STUPID! what on earth could possible go wrong now?
Lord please be here for me and always. Let me make it through all of this struggle. I give it all to you i give myself to you. Lord i am Sorry for my sins and i ask that you wash them from me!
-Brandi
