just needing to let it out

Well lets start off with there are no pics for this blog.

I just need to let it out. I just need to cry. A girl has to cry sometimes... ya know? Maybe i cry more than others but sometimes it happens!

Wow. thats how i feel. just Wow. feeling like my whole world is about to fall apart is bringing me down to a whole level i have never been. God i need you.. now.. and forever! You are my will to live through this life that you have given me!

I want to start off by saying to the Lord.. thank you for letting me live through this weekend and not loose the man i love.

So i know you are wondering.. live through this weekend? what happened?

Well Saturday night... woo big BIG BIIIGGGG mistake. I will NEVER EVER drink moonshine again! you make laugh, you make still be confused... Lets just say... i was ghost white and shaking... from what i was told. Why on Earth would i ever put myself in such a sticky situation? Obviously there was absolutely no thought through this process.

I am still trying to understand how i didnt have alcohol poisoning but i am so thankful to know he is always looking over me and he will always forgive me for the sins i have done. Drinking is in no way something i enjoy. I dont drink hardly ever. Maybe once in 4 or 5 months i may.. MAY drink. but its definitely not often.

From what i was told.. because i have no memory, i cried for HOURS like some 4 or 5 hours.. that is just crazy madness! i dont do that! THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I AM! UGH i am still so upset about Saturday night!

To top off the drunkness.. Jeremy went through my cell phone. Only to find phone calls of course but they were to and from a really close guy friend of mine. he was drunk too. but still should not have went through my phone and made assumptions of who this guy is. Jeremy once told me his ex went through his phone and how bad it hurt him.. guess he didnt think it would bother me?

It did.. more than anything. and for us as a couple to never argue... well we argued saturday night. maybe one of the worst arguments i have ever been in. I was so afraid i would loose him and i am still having this fear in my gut. He says i have nothing to worry about and that is definitely a good thing but its so hard.

I drove 5 hours there to have a wonderful time with him... and did until Saturday night and most of the day Sunday... bc 75% of the day was either me in the bathroom, him sleeping, or both of us sleeping. once again thanks moonshine for ruining everything! Not really but you suck and i will never ever even smell you again! :-)

I drove 5 hours home today... worst trip home ever. Not only was i so sleepy but i have been so stressed about Jeremy. Luckily things are back to being great again. But i just dont want to loose him over something so silly. so anyways.. back to my trip home. So sleepy.. worst ever! I drove the whole way home not seeing a cop until i got on my ROAD.. MY ROAD like omg how does that work?? oh wait.. i got a TICKET too! how much and what for? Speeding.. 42 in a 25.. really? is my road really 25? because that is just STUPID! what on earth could possible go wrong now?

Lord please be here for me and always. Let me make it through all of this struggle. I give it all to you i give myself to you. Lord i am Sorry for my sins and i ask that you wash them from me!

-Brandi

life lately!

Sorry if this blog is super negative, I am really trying to stay positive!!

As of Monday August 2nd I have had a constant headache... Some days are worse than others... and the worst ones are unimaginably horrible! Migraines run all through my family on both sides!! Thanks guys for giving me that gene! I have had a migraine or two in the past but never for nearly 2 weeks straight! I went to the Doctor on Friday the 6th to just see what he had to say about them. He simply said "I believe its just migraines.. and you may need a CT Scan or MRI. Come back and see me if it isnt gone by next week." He gave me a prescription and sent me on my marry little way. I leave the office and go straight to get my Rx filled... as soon as it was filled I took the medicine... got home and laid down.

Well in the mean time of these headaches, it was my dads birthday, and Jeremy's birthday. When i am sick i am miserable to be around i am sure!! My dads birthday was the 4th, with a throbbing headache i still managed to cook for him and bake a cake. Little did they know... i left out the vegetable oil in the cake.. lets just say it didnt stick together to well!! HAHA

^ is Todd a good friend of mine and my dads, down below is his beautiful wife and daughter and my best friend/sister figure Ashley and Ella Grace

That is my daddy with his poor poor cake!!

me with the pathetic cake... so embarrassed

it looked so bad but i guess its the thought that counts!

It may look bad but it tasted great! So i cooked for him and we had Ashley, Todd, Ella Grace and my Nana and her husband up to celebrate his birthday! It was a lot of fun I just wished i would have felt better!!!

Anyways, after I went to the Dr on Friday i went to the St. Jude's Rodeo with Ashley and Todd and EG, we met Amy and Lee, Brittany and Bryan, and Katie and Aston there.... they are all very close friends of mine! It was pretty crazy that 3 of the 5 girls are preggers!! and and i am one of the two that are excluded along with Amy!! haha I have a couple of pictures but they will have to be added on another day bc they arent on my computer yet! SORRY!!!

So Saturday, i went to North Carolina to be with Jeremy for his birthday. His birthday was Wednesday the 11th. Once again havent uploaded those pics... there are only 3 though. Boo i know i know!! my camera died and I just didnt plan well i guess?

We went to the lake on Sunday and Sunday night.... another migraine hit! This time it was soooo bad! I came very close to passing out and throwing up but lucky he was there by my side the whole time to make sure i was ok. I am so thankful for that! He has been so caring through all of this that i am going through! I took some of my nausea medicine that the dr gave me and went to sleep. Monday was an alright day, i was just very tired from the nausea med i had taken the night before. I didnt do much Monday, just kind of relaxed. On Tuesday i got another headache but that wasnt going to stop me from what i had planned to do!

Jeremy said he always works on his bday and i just wanted his day to be awesome. I wanted him to come home and just be happy for a change!! So i get this great idea to decorate his house... i know his bday was Wednesday but i didnt care, I was spending Tuesday with him and celebrating a little early!! :-) Well we had already planned to go to his friends house and eat and have cake and stuff soo i figured i might as well decorate and make him even more happy!

I got streamers... hung them from the ceiling.. let me tell you! Hardest thing i have ever done and it looked horrible haha! it was fun though! and at least i tried.. def got an A for effort haha!! I also got him a dozen helium filled balloons and one personalized helium balloon... then I blew up 25 balloons and scattered them all over the floor. It was pretty amazing what i did! i had never done this for anyone soooo this should show how much the kid means to me lol!

We were supposed to be at dinner at 7:30.... and he didnt get home from work till 7:30. he said he came in his road sideways... he said he was furious and just wanted to come home and burn the house down... he said he just wanted to be mad and of course he walks in the door and just smiles... he was so happy and said thank you to me a million times. He was like I was in such a bad mood till i got home and seen all this... i couldnt be mad anymore!! I was so happy to know that i was able to turn his frown upside down :-)

He had to work on his bday but luckily got off at 11:30 so i was still in town and was able to spend some more time with him! He is just such an amazing guy and i am so thankful to have him!!

During all this though, i still had this headache! I took my Rx, i took excedrin... nothing got rid of it! I just knew as soon as i got home Wednesday i was going to the dr.. well that didnt happen because i stayed in NC till like 3:30 just so i could be with Jeremy. Once i left i cried half way home... it is so hard to leave someone you love and know you wont see him for weeks!!! It makes me sick!

So needless to say i didnt get to go to the dr wednesday, but i did go yesterday, thursday the 12th, he took blood and said all my levels look good but he still wanted me to have a CT scan just to make sure nothing was going on upstairs!! So i got a call this morning at about 9:30ish saying i had an appointment to get a CT Scan... i went in the place with a dang headache!! Once i got home i took some of the sample med that the dr gave me yesterday and it just messed my world up. i dont feel like the same Brandi i normally am and i am tired of feeling like this i just want them to figure out what is going on and to fix it!!! I want to be myself again! I want to be able to look in the mirror and smile and actually feel like i look pretty! I just feel like i look like death walking bc i dont feel good.. i dont feel like fixing my hair or puttin on my mascara.. i just want to lay in bed and make this headache go away!!!

Ok i am done complaining and will let everyone know what the CT Scan comes back as!! I just really needed to get all of this out... and this is the best way for me to do it!

Love yall!!

Brandi

Hello California

Okay so July 20-27 I went with my best friend Jada and Sarah to California to see Jada's sister Britney. I love California it is beautiful out there. The weather is very ideal. but of course its even better because you can surf out there! I got to surf for the first time while i was there and i got up and everything which was so awesome! I loved it! Here are a few pics from the trip. I will add more of course as this blog goes on.. But there is just a lot that i have to get off my chest in the process of this blog!

This is just from the night before we left when we took our bags to my mom so she could put them in her car and then of course i had to put the airplane pics up! It was a great flight there i slept most of the way which was great! haha seeing that we had been up since 3am and our flight was supposed to be at 8:40am and when we got on and loaded up and took off and was in the air for a good 20 mins and this HORRIBLE burning smell came across the plane, well needless to say we turned the plane around and went back to ATL unloaded and loaded another plane and we got to California 2 hours later than we should have. But I guess it is a good thing we did that because I definitely am not ready to leave this world just yet! There is so much more stuff i want to be able to enjoy!! So when we got to California we first went to Malibu and then to Santa Monica. We ate in Malibu and let me tell you!! I got a burger and that dang thang was $10!! and it wasn't even that good ANNNNDD it wasn't even at a restaurant, it was like this little building that you went up to the window and ordered. I was oh so shocked!! but here are a few pics from Malibu and Santa Monica!!

So we had a lot of fun at the Santa Monica Pier. We rode the famous ferris wheel. it was fun, just an ordinary ferris wheel but it was fun!! After that we went back to Newport Beach which is where Britney lives. So on our way there... we get caught in LA traffic... for THREE FREAKIN HOURS!! and to top it off we are running on about 3ish hours of sleep... so lets just say that the car ride home was extremely interesting.. lots of dancing... and blaring the music... acting super crazy/stupid whatever you want to call it! HAHA Single Ladies is my new favorite song to dance to! So once we got back to brits house we got some groceries and then... i got my drank on.... and needless to say... i got pretty tipsy and we went fishing off the pier with some 17 yrs olds! haha it was so fun we showed them boys what was up!!

We really didnt do much the whole time we were there. We went to the beach i guess three times... or i went three times and it was amazing. I love the sand there it is so soft and doesnt stick to you as bad as it does on the East Coast. It also shimmers a gold color. which is just amazing. I love being there!! Here are a few beach pics :-)

I feel like in these pics, i look a golden bronze color.. i think i love California even more for this color it gives me! haha I believe once again that i got more sun than the two of them put together and it never once was red... it was immediately brown! YAY for being italian and not burning easily!! That night we went and ate dinner with one of Britneys friends for her bday. The food sucked at this mexican restaurant that we went to! BOOO haha

Then once again, the next day we beached it up again and it was super fun! I just love the beach!!

So the problem i need to get off my chest is... this...

Me and my best friend went to wash clothes and so we put them in the wash and everything then went walking and walked into this smoke shop place where you can buy bongs and bowls and pipes, etc. So she is looking at this one bowl that is orange and white and says she is going to get it... me knowing my best friend she doesnt do orange and white simply because she is a die hard GA bulldog fan. So i said something about it and she was like well my boyfriend wants me to buy it for Brad for his birthday...

So this probably dont sound to bad to some of yall that read this but for the ones of you that know me you know Brad is my ex boyfriend... of 3 years... this really bothered me that she would buy him something right in front of me and say she is buying something for him. Last time i checked... i thought a best friend shouldnt even talk to each others exes just out of respect... right? or am i wrong on that? It is still bothering me and we have been home for going on a week now. I just feel like she is being selfish and doesnt care about my feelings or how something like this would affect me. I mean yes i am completely 100% over Brad dont care if i ever see him again... i am so happy with Jeremy but for some reason this still bothers me... extremely bad. Should it? SHould i let this bother me? I didnt say anything to her and havent really talked to her much since we have been home. I know she doesnt get it because this isnt the first time i feel like she has chosen him over me.

A few months ago she asked me to go to six flags with her and some other people and she calls me like 2 days before and tells me that her boyfriend invited Brad to go... well needless to say i didnt go bc i didnt want to be uncomfortable and i knew i would be if he was around. And she was saying that it was stupid that i wasnt going and that she cant choose sides because he never did anything to her.. and all this BS.. she even had the balls to put pictures of him up on her facebook... and so did my other super close friend. like i just feel like they could care less about my feelings... i mean i dont know because i dont talk to them about it but still.. it is very VERY hurtful!!!

on the bright side! haha i get to see Jeremy on Sunday! we are going to a Braves game to help start out his birthday week! I have a surprise planned for him and i cant wait till Wednesday when he sees me unexpectedly hahaha!

time for me to hit the hay! night yall!!

LOVE YA!!

-Brandi

livin a dream

Well hello my fellow bloggers!!! How are yall??? Sorry its been like 10 years since my last blogg!!

So what's been going on in my life? Heck what hasn't been going on??? I am LOVING life right now! I am so happy with everything that is going on! I got to spend 2 weeks in Charlotte with the man of my dreams!! I really feel like everything just keeps getting better and better with me and him! I am def in love and don't want him to know!! HAHA! i have a few pics to show from my 2 week adventure up there!!

This is Kenyon and Jeremy on the river

We spent the 4th of July at Holden Beach with his friend Kenyon and his family. It was super fun. We had the best time!

(not sure why everything is underlined? sorry!!)

Anyways, we got to stay at the beach for 3 days and it was amazing! Kenyons family lives right across the street from the beach and its just so nice to get away and relax on the beach. Jeremy does so much with me and it makes me realize how stupid I was in the past dealing with all of the stuff I dealt with, with my exes and what not. I enjoy every second of every day that I get to spend with Jeremy and would love to actually have him forever! And hopefully I will, but that is for the good Lord to decide what he has planned for me!

Even though mine and Jeremy's relationship is long distance, I really feel like it is good for us, because when we are together it makes our time together mean so much more. We are so happy to be around each other and that means so much to me! Here are a couple more pics from my 2 week trip haha!!

So this was also exciting! He had tried wakeboarding a few times before i came up to his house and he wasn't able to do it. Well i get there and kind of help explain it to him and he gets up, first time! I was so happy to be there when he finally got up! I wished I could have been there to see him jump the wake and all the stuff he can do now! He is such an amazing man!!!

So enough about Jeremy! haha I also went to St Louis and California.. all of this happened in a 3 week period! I love traveling and hate being home!

I went to St. Louis with my dad to go and watch Ricky race. I was so happy to watch him race but was also so happy to get to see Jeremy do his job! and on top of all that Jeremy and his team won that night!! GOOO CARL EDWARDS is all i have to say! haha Ricky did extremely well that night too! it was a great night for all of the Roush Fenway boys!! sooo here are some pics from being in St Louis with my diddy!!!!

So these are from our trip up to St Louis. We sat in dead stop traffic for almost 2 hours!! it was a horrible i mean HORRIBLE wreck! It had stopped traffic for 6 hours and luckly we made it up there when they were almost done with cleaning it up! Now onto the Arch and the Cardinals game with Jeremy!

We had such a great time at the arch! it was wonderful father daughter time! He is my hero! We also went on a helicopter ride. It was awesome it went all the way around the city of St Louis! We had a great day!! I guess about 5 o'clock i met up with Jeremy and went with him and most of the #16 guys to the Cardinals game. It was so much fun! I actually cheered for the LA Dodgers because i thought it would be funny and they lost anyways haha!!

So my next blog is going to be all about California and all the drama that happened! ughhhh! It is 12:40 almost and i have to work tomorrow so i think it is time for this girl to head to bed!

Hope you enjoy this super long blog!!

LOVE YA!

-Brandi

Long time no write?

Wow its been MONTHS since my last blog!

What all has happened? Life has happened! Work, traveling, being the best girlfriend I can possibly be, being a great friend, and of course being a great daughter!!

I am starting to see the big picture of what life is supposed to be. I am getting more and more nervous every day because I know its getting closer and closer to the day I graduate from college and get a job... and MOVE OUT??? woo I am definitely scared about that one!!

I don't think I am ready to leave home yet... good thing I have about 2 and a half years till I am completely done with school. Maybe sooner? who knows!!

School is looking like I am going into Nursing for sure this time!! HAHA I definitely want to be an Ultrasound Technician and to be that I have to get my Nursing degree so that is what i am doing :-)

I am traveling to North Carolina almost every weekend! It is really crazy! Things between me and Jeremy seem to be getting so much stronger and feel more real than ever! He is an amazing man and makes me so happy to be alive... To be in his life is a blessing from GOD!

I am heading to his house on Friday for the 4th of July weekend!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

We are going to Holden Beach and I am sooooo excited! I love it. I have been wanting to go to the beach so bad I can hardly stand it!

Sorry I dont have any recent pics... i know i need some! I will add some for my next blog!

Love yall!!

-Brandi

Summer time baby!

Wow so it has definitely been a minute since i last blogged!! Have so much to say!!

I am FINALLY out of school for the summer!! I am transferring to Chattanooga State for sure now and I am actually so excited about it! I dont think i have ever been excited about school but i am really looking forward to doing Ultrasounds! It just seems so amazing..

My Best Friend/ Sister Ashley found out she is having a girl and it was one of the greatest experiences in my life. I absolutely love being able to see the baby on the ultrasound!

She is the whole reason i changed my major once again! HAHAHAHA! She is amazing and i love her!

I think my last blog i was going to Talladega? Maybe? Well i went and it stormed Friday night and allllllll dayyyyy Saturday so they ended up racing on Sunday. Friday night we went with a bunch of the other guys on the team to the Birmingham Barrons baseball game. It was so much fun... we were in a suite and everything (leather couches, fully loaded fridge *full of beer*, all the snacks you can eat, cable TV, and a great view of the whole field) it was amazing! i had such a great time!!

Other than that it has been work work work.. haha

I got another job at the school book store... $10/hour... cant beat that!! I think that i will end up quitting at Express bc they pay me the least and i need the money from somewhere where i get paid every week. and plus i hardly EVER work at Express.. maybe once or twice a week!!! That isnt even worth the gas money!

ANYWAYS.......

Last weekend i went to Charlotte to see my boo Jeremy! Gosh he is amazing and i absolutely love being around him! He makes me one of the happiest girls in the world!! Ok so enough lovey dovey stuff... haha.. we had a great time! We actually went to Holden Beach, NC and had the best time ever! I cant wait till we can actually go for longer than a DAY! So we got there Saturday evening i guess you could say... it was prolly 4 pm when we got there and it was a little chilly but we still put on the swim suits and went to the ocean. We played some Home- Run Derby or Stick Ball.. whatever it is called... it was fun though! i hit the first 5 out of 10? hits hahaha a lot better than i thought I'd do! As it got later the boys started cooking. Boys as in Jeremy, Kenyon, Dalton, and Joe... yes i was the only girl! And i didnt have to cook at all!! WOO HOO!! hahaha!! after we ate we ended up riding bicycles to the bar like a mile down the road... oh so funny!!

our biker gang!

and why yes i am in the baby carrier/ car seat thing on the back of the bicycle! HAHA that made the night i would have to say! everyone at the bar loved the fact that he was driving and i was in the car seat thing! haha it was so funny! Well needless to say we closed the bar down that night! haha 1st time i have ever done that and it was so much fun! Once we got back me and Jeremy got up on the roof and looked at the stars.. it was so nice outside that night!

Sunday morning after we all got up we went to eat and then back to Kenyons house and went to the beach! This was the day i about died..

I have never been as close to death as i was on this day!! The waves really surprised me at how big they were and well how much of an under tow there was! Can you see where this is going? I got taken under by a wave... and it kept me under for what felt like an eternity. Once i got up another one knocked me down and another after that! It was horrible! I got a sand burn and about lost my bathing suit! it was really crazy!

The water was super warm which i thought was crazy for it being so early in the season still but i loved being in the water until that happened... after that we all got out and played a little home-run derby before we headed back to Charlotte!

My boy up to bat!

Catching the ball

the boys playing

and this is my poor poor knee after the waves about killed me!!!!

I can see the light

AHHHHH! Stressing a little more than I should be. This week has been a none stop on the go! One of my really good friends Katie moved in with me and my daddy on Monday, we are still trying to get used to the new changes. I love her to death so this is exciting for me!

As for the other parts of this week so far... its been SCHOOL, WORK, SCHOOL, WORK, WORK, PLAYYYYYYYY (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and weekend!!!)

I have literally 3 days of classes left! Thank you Jesus!! I have 2 actual class days and then one day with 2 finals, seeing as I only have 2 classes! I am so ready for this to be over! It's so stressful when it really shouldn't be!

So I had an exam in Calculus today, for the first time this semester in the class I feel very confident of my grade! It was a hard test yes, but I don't know I feel like I understand what is actually going on... crazy because I have been lost all semester!!

Tomorrow is my 4th day working at Express pretty much looking forward to a 2-6 work day! I love the people I work with. They are all super super sweet!! I work at DSW on Friday and there I feel like we are all just a little family!! I am enjoying working for a change!! CRAZYYYY I know!

Friday after work, its off to Talledega to see my boy Jeremy!! I am so excited!! He has gotten a new job at his work so he is now on A team as before he was on B team. This is going to be a lot harder on the two of us because he will be leaving to go to the tracks on Thursday instead of the day of the race, but i am sure we will figure it out and make it work for us! He is amazing and knows exactly what to say and do to put me in a great mood!!

WELLL I guess it's off to bed for me! Sleep tight world!!!

♥ Brandi